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Opinion

Top 10 reasons to tell your boss you deserve a bonus this year

Show me the bonus!

The harsh reality of what it means to effectively bankrupt your company is hitting home for AIG executives, known for their love of shooting game on English country estates and retreats at lavish Californian spas.

No more, says Andrew Cuomo, New York State’s attorney general and party-pooper-in-chief. Cuomo has put a stop to AIG executives’ massive bonus payments and will even seek to recoup payments made to some top dogs, including AIG’s former chief executive Martin Sullivan, who was in line for a further $19 million.

If you’re about to enter that crucial meeting with your boss, or the regulator for that matter, about whether you get paid a bonus this year, you need to think on your feet. So here, in the spirit of the David Letterman show, are our top 10 reasons that people in finance could give for receiving their bonus:

1. My wife will leave me 2. My mistress will leave me 3. I may have been losing money on every trade, but be fair: I’ve compensated by doing lots more of them 4. My corner of the business is booming: we’ve seen massive growth selling default protection on the bank 5. I’ve not only expanded the bank’s footprint, I have increased its bandwidth too! 6. If you don’t give it to me you’ll only lend it to someone else and look where that got us 7. Sub-prime exposure $50 billion, notional CDS contracts outstanding to bankrupt Icelandic banks $10 billion, having me at the bank... priceless! 8. I’ve been here nearly 12 months. Show a bit of loyalty back... 9. I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for the markets and those pesky accountants! 10. I add value. No, really!!!
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