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“It’s so bloody liquid, it’s not even funny.”

One investment banker explains why Gazprom hasn’t felt the need to access bond markets so far in 2006 (see Best borrowers section)

“All I want to do is be in the top three or four in the league tables. Then I can lay all my funky treats on this shit and blow my competitors out of the water.”

One Asian investment banker gives a direct insight into the use of financial engineering in the equity markets in 2006

“I’ve met with the SEC hedge fund inspectors, and they’re not as stupid as everyone thinks.”

One industry association head tries to dispel a popular belief

“Argentina is a nation of congenital swindlers.”

A hedge fund manager makes his feelings clear

“I, personally, was so pissed off, I just had to get out of here. I took a week off.”

An emotional senior Saudi financial market participant reacts to the sacking of the reform-minded head of stock market regulator, the Capital Markets Authority

Awards wars – episode 1

“At Citigroup, we’re trying to surround our clients.”

“At HSBC, we want to bear-hug our clients.”

Senior bankers at their respective institutions explain their ingenious strategies for taking as much money from customers as possible

“One dream, one soul, one prize, one goal.”

A Standard Chartered banker sums up his firm’s kind of magic – with apologies to Freddie Mercury

“Citi tends to play the man not the ball. They’re so aggressive at sledging others.”

Competitor complaining about ungentlemanly awards conduct at Citigroup

“I’m not a U-boat, I’m the big aircraft carrier.

But when I turn my guns and start shooting, I’ll blow everyone out of the water.”

A Citigroup banker explains business tactics

Joke of the Month: “The CEOs of 20 broker dealers get on a plane to fly to a conference. An announcement comes in over the PA: ‘Welcome to the first unpiloted flight in history’. Immediately 10 of them race for the exit in fear. The remaining 10 then hear that the technology being used was developed by their technology teams. Terrified, nine of them sprint for the door. A flight attendant comes to the last remaining passenger who’s slowly gathering his things. “Are you leaving too sir?”

“Well if my tech guy’s involved then this plane’s never going to get off the ground!”

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