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Bonuses: bankers still don't get it

Life is full of surprises: big and little, nice and not so nice. I am trying to sell my apartment in London. One rainy Thursday morning, I flung open the front door to see my estate agent, Simon; an elderly diminutive man so shabbily dressed that I thought he might be a tramp; and a younger, larger man. "Can I please show my client around?" Simon asked politely. "Of course," I replied. "But as it’s pouring with rain, please take your shoes off." There was a stunned silence and then they took their shoes off and the tramp strode into my kitchen and proceeded to inspect the rest of my flat. After the tour was complete, the group gathered in the vestibule and I overheard the agent saying oleaginously to the supposed tramp: "Aha, so you think it’s too small for you." And the group trooped off into the rain.

I later discovered that the tramp was not a tramp at all but a billionaire leisure industry magnate who had been transported to my flat in a top-of-the-range Bentley. Obviously my request to remove shoes was verging on an insult. I am surprised that the magnate didn’t march out immediately.

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