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OPINION

2020: The year women will take Wall Street

Next year promises to be such an exciting year in banking that our resident soothsayer, Mystic Maca, couldn’t wait to share his predictions…

Noel Quinn-cover-780

January

JPMorgan chief executive Jamie Dimon denies that he signed a contract to become head of Adam Neumann’s family office only days before the implosion of WeWork in late 2019.

“I was just playing him along with a series of massive unsecured loans, safe in the knowledge that SoftBank would bail him out if the WeWork IPO tanked. And we would still get some fees anyway,” says Dimon. “It’s true that Adam called me his personal banker and I had to go to a few hot yoga sessions in the Hamptons with him and his wife’s cousin, Gwyneth Paltrow, but what can you do? I can tell you I look a lot better in Lycra than David Solomon, that’s for sure.”

JPMorgan separately appoints its consumer lending head Marianne Lake and CFO Jennifer Piepszak as co-presidents, effectively guaranteeing that Dimon’s successor will be a woman.

“Citigroup might have already made Jane Fraser its number two, but we now have twice as many female presidents, which says everything you need to know about our commitment to diversity,” says Dimon.