Nine things Gary Cohn might do after the White House
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Nine things Gary Cohn might do after the White House

We review the options...

The Dow opened 300 points down on Wednesday as markets digested the resignation of Gary Cohn, the chief economic adviser to Donald Trump. He worked his way almost to the top of Goldman Sachs, and has spent just over a year at the heart of the US administration.

Gary Cohn-160x186

So now what?

• Private tutor to Steve Mnuchin

The man who Senator Elizabeth Warren called the Forrest Gump of Finance might be the only person in Washington who seems to have less of a grasp of how certain things work than Trump himself (a weak dollar is fine, but we’re not looking for a trade war – Davos isn’t for “the global elite” – let me and my wife supply today’s internet meme by holding up these dollar bills in the manner of Bond villains – etc etc).

Perhaps some private tuition from an ex-director of the National Economic Council might be just what he needs. You never know, Gary might even be feeling bad about Steve getting through the Goldman partnership process all those years ago. Those kinds of things can hurt an image – even a vampire squid’s. He could help Steve out for perhaps $10k an hour, or some other number.

• American Airlines customer service, First Class cabin

This one seems a bit out there, but who are we to argue with the recommendation of none other than Lloyd Blankfein in an overnight tweet? He wrote that Gary “deserves credit for serving his country in a first class way”. If that doesn’t qualify him, then nothing does. And if customer service isn’t quite his thing, Open Skies anyone? Seems like there’s some work to be done there…

• Dick Fuld (understudy), The Lehman Trilogy at the National Theatre, London, July 2018

Gary may only have trod the boards at conferences and awards dinners, but if he could be convinced to turn his hand to theatre it could prove quite a draw. Inhabiting the character might present challenges though: Fuld’s famously aggressive nature and surly demeanour would make Gary a far from obvious choice. He will need to remember Olivier’s words to Hoffman: “Why don’t you just try acting?”

• Footwear model

All that coming-up-to-someone’s-desk-and-putting-one-foot-up-on-it at Goldman must count for something. Who better to model footwear than someone with few inhibitions when it comes to his own shoes?

• UK Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union

Such delicate negotiations surely need the deft hand of Gary. It’s surely not too late to shake Michel Barnier out of his comfort zone.

• Chairman, United States Steel Corporation

He might have quit on tariffs, but Gary started out life at US Steel. Tariffs might make it more appealing to go back.

• Anything that benefits from the US tax reforms

Was he on a special Goldman mission all along? Anyway, job done.

• Hair transplant model

Gary’s probably not going back to Goldman Sachs, so he doesn’t need the closely-shaved, bald look that the top echelons at the firm have sported for some time (did you see the cosy photo of Lloyd Blankfein with co-presidents David Solomon and Harvey Schwartz when they were promoted after Cohn left? We nearly needed shades to look at it). He’s just seen first-hand that a ridiculous hairstyle that tries to cover a bald pate is no barrier to success. #MakeGaryHairyAgain.

• The other President

He’s already been President of Goldman Sachs. How hard can it be to run for 46th POTUS?

More ideas? Tweet us @Euromoney, #WhatGaryDidNext

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