There’s no doubt many alternative investment managers are different, as a TV series on the BBC called Million dollar traders has shown over the past few weeks. The show’s premise was that ‘top City trader’ Lex Van Dam would prove you could make dealers out of almost anyone. Van Dam provided them with a brief training period and then let them loose on the markets with $1 million of his capital to trade. The show claimed that such a training programme had never been carried out before, which is nonsense, but I suppose hyperbole is necessary for good entertainment.
Anyone who has ever worked in a trading environment will have spotted the many inconsistencies in the show. In the final episode, one of the trainees, Emile, took umbrage at the way Van Dam and his trusty sidekick ‘sacked’ one of the rookies. Emile seemed to show talent and turn a profit all the way through the series. After he told Van Dam and his sidekick what they could do with their trading programme, the two described him as a losing trader. This made me immediately think Van Dam may have learnt his management skills at Merrill Lynch. But I was wrong – they had both attended the Goldman Sachs’ school of charm and diplomacy.
One of the things they appear to have been taught is that if you feel sick, you must make sure you have a bin handy – it is vital that you don’t leave your desk and take your eyes off the market. I actually threw up in a bin once when I worked at RP Martins, but one of the telex girls complained and I got a roasting from my boss, so I don’t believe it is in the official guide book on how to be a trader.
Something else this week has made me think they must instill a truly ferocious work ethic at Goldman. John Thain has been pilloried in the press, partly because of the huge loss that Merrill Lynch managed to rack up when he was in charge of it – which may be a bit unfair as most of the positions were probably put on before he joined – as well as over the amount of money he spent doing up his office. A whopping $35,000 was spent on a golden commode.
I found this news quite disturbing. Was Thain so glued to his desk that he couldn’t afford the time to go to the lavatory? My editor, who clearly went to a posher school than me, explained that a commode was, in fact, a fancy piece of furniture. Makes you wonder how history will recall Thain. Will it be as the man who ordered a commode while his bank turned to crap?
