A guide to job mis-description

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Investment bankers are struggling in so many ways. The operating environment is far from rosy. Round after round of redundancies are announced and yet even those spared the black-bin-liner treatment are left wondering whether they might have drawn the short straw – the business is not going to be much fun for the few left behind. For those who do have jobs, such is the disdain in which the profession is held by the general public that many are finding themselves having to lie to avoid discomforting situations.

One banker told Euromoney that he had recently been berated at a dinner party for causing the downfall of modern society but was amazed to discover his accuser was a property developer.

We have come up with some alternative job titles that our readers might find of help in avoiding those awkward moments in the New Year.

Bank chief executive – senior civil servant
Salesman – investment opportunity facilitator
Vice-chairman – Long-term leisure analyst
Trader – Liquidity management conduit/broker
Originatorclub doorman
Accountant – forensic scientist
Corporate insolvency specialist – corporate specialist
Syndicate – price-checking assistant
Covered bond product specialist – estate agent
Bank treasury official – government debt management officer
Hedge fund manager – waste disposal expert
Ratings analyst – children’s fiction writer
Securitizers – pool attendant
CDO investor – lavatory attendant
CDO structurer – shit stirrer