Abigail with attitude: Christmas presents for bank CEOs

By:
Abigail Hofman
Published on:

Given I am writing this column in December just before the magazine closes for Christmas – I have been pondering what presents I would give certain bank chief executives.

Here is my list:

 

Jamie Dimon of JPMorgan

 



– a spa day. After the dreadful year which Jamie has endured, he needs to relax and be pampered. Definitely, a world-class mani and pedi and a four-hand Balinese style massage for jaded Jamie!



Brian Moynihan of Bank of America





– a front-cover spread in Hello magazine and a tin hat. Brian now seems to be everyone’s favourite bank CEO. This popularity premium for celebrities normally leads to a Hello cover and then when everything, inevitably, falls apart, some type of protection from the fallout.









Antony Jenkins of Barclays



– a yurt. Things are not going well at the UK bank despite Jenkins’s attempts to distance himself from the previous Diamond regime. With no permanent head of compliance or operations, Jenkins must be on a knife-edge in case there is a big problem. He needs somewhere to get away from it all. I proffer a yurt. A yurt (for those readers who are hazy about the exact definition) is a portable, circular, dwelling structure traditionally used by nomads in the steppes of central Asia as their home

Ana Botín of Santander, UK





 – a pair of cashmere socks. Ana needs to give these to her most recent, high-profile recruit, Nathan Bostock, in case he gets cold feet about joining Santander and scampers back to RBS as he did once before, when he resigned in 2011 to join Lloyds Bank.



Credit Suisse's Dougan is suffering death by a thousand cuts

RBS resembles a rudderless rabble

UBS's Ermotti is unmistakably Swiss; JPMorgan is trying too hard

Sants' inauspicious departure from Barclays