The 2008 Global Awards for excellence
"As I seek to add some eloquence to our track record in support of our claim to be worthy winners, I can only quote Aristotle’s definition of excellence to you: ‘We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act but a habit’ "
An investment banker shows off his knowledge of Greek philosophy in his attempt to win a global award. Unfortunately, Euromoney was unpersuaded
"We are the best bank in this market because... Actually we had better make that off the record, as it’s probably not true... though I hope you think it’s true"
A senior debt banker gets himself in a pickle after forgetting that the global award interviews are on the record
Banker: "We rank fifth in the M&A league tables. But if you take the total deal value, and divide it by headcount, we’re much higher up"
Euromoney: "Right. But why would I do that?"
Banker: "Well, then we’d win"
No, you won’t
"You’d have to marry UBS and JPMorgan to get an ECM business as good as ours"
The head of ECM at an investment bank not shortlisted for the best global equity house award
Banker: "Our deals will move the markets and drive other banks to push boundaries..."
Euromoney: "Really... can you give me some examples of this from the last 12 months?"
Banker: "Well yes... and no.... we haven’t technically done these deals yet but we are putting thought into their structures as we speak"
A candidate for a ‘Better luck next year’ award, perhaps
"This year it’s an award for survival not for excellence"
A debt banker lets gallows humour get the better of him
"Yes, it takes a lot of time to get it approved by those... what do you call them? Rabbis? Well, obviously not rabbis, but you know what I mean"
A banker talks about his firm’s achievements in Islamic finance
Euromoney: "Do you realize that you have missed our deadline for submitting pitch documents?"
Banker: "What’s the point in pitching when we have fuck all chance of winning anything this year?"
The bank did win – but not in the area where this business head works
